Abusive dating behaviors
The abusive person will blame the victim for almost anything that goes wrong. Blames Others for Their Feelings: The abusive person will tell the victim, “You make me mad” or “You’re hurting me by not doing what I want you to do,” or “I can’t help being angry.” It is really the abusive person who makes the decision about what they think or feel but they will use those feelings to manipulate the victim.
Less obvious blaming statements are claims that “You make me happy,” or “You control how I feel.” 8.
Breaking or Striking Objects: This behavior of breaking loved ones’ possessions or needed home items can be used as a punishment but is mostly used to terrorize the person into submission.
The abuser may beat on the table with their fists or throw objects around or near the person.
If the person is with the abuser long enough, the violence could begin.
Situational circumstances do not make a person abusive or prevent a person from acting abusively. Threats of Violence: This could include any threat of physical force meant to control the person; “I’ll slap your mouth off,” or “I’ll kill you,” or “I’ll break your neck.” Most people do not threaten their mates but an abuser will try to excuse threats by saying that “everyone talks like that.” 16.
An abuser may be letting them know that the idea of rape is exciting.
(This kind of non-consensual, violent behavior is different than safe and consensual BDSM or SM (bondage/dominance/sadomasochism): a type of sexual activity that should use carefully negotiated sex play.) Abusers may show little concern about whether the person wants to have sex and may use sulking or anger to manipulate them into compliance.
They may try to keep the victim from working or going to school. Blames Others for Their Problems: If the abusive person is chronically unemployed, someone is always “doing them wrong” or is “out to get them.” They may make mistakes but then blame the victim for upsetting them and keeping them from concentrating on the work.An abuser may expect children to be capable of things beyond their ability (i.e., may whip a two year old for wetting a diaper) or may tease children until they cry (60% of people who abuse other people also abuse their children).Abusers may not want children to eat at the table or may expect them to remain in their rooms all evening while they are at home. Use of Force in Sex: This kind of abuser may like to throw the victim down and hold them down during sex and may want to act out fantasies during sex where the victim is helpless.Hypersensitivity: An abusive person is easily insulted and claims that their feelings are “hurt” when really they are very mad.
The abusive person will “rant and rave” about the injustice of things that have happened – things that are really just part of living such as being asked to work overtime, getting a traffic ticket, being told some behavior is annoying or being asked to help with chores. Cruelty To Animals and/or Children: A person who punishes animals brutally or is insensitive to their pain or suffering.
The abusive person will question the victim about whom she/he/ze/se talks to, accuse the victim of flirting, or be jealous of time the victim spends with family, friends, or children.